Hi,
while things would be more clear after inspecting the code of parent/child, few ideas first on theme then on wp_postmeta
- it's parent theme which should be updated, rationale is so to keep it's child themes from breaking by updating only master
- however sometimes programmers develop custom code inside child theme; in some situations this could be justified, but usually that's not good practice
- on some sites I've worked issue was in outdated parent theme; meaning parent theme was 1-2 years old, updated version had some new functions added and other removed, but child theme was using removed functions (there was no backward comp.) so it was breaking
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Problem with wp_postmeta is, in essence, problem of WordPress architecture. Different parts of WordPress and it plugins eco-system are saving data in that table, so quickly it become large, making sites slow. Because of the nature of problem, issue can be tackled on different levels, that is, on different layers of the server/web stack. For example number of plugins and theme itself can contribute to large wp_postmeta and wp_options table (eg, multipurpose and multifeature themes). Similarly like you write it could be that UpdraftPlus plugins are causing the issues.
Regards,
Ivan